Why the pain you feel during sex could be Vaginismus
Couples being unable to have penetrative sex is not a new phenomenon. Others getting ‘stuck’ in the process is something that will always make news. There are varied explanations for the strange occurrences, one of them being witchcraft. But other than the mumbo jumbo of witchcraft, medical science may also have an answer.
Vaginismus is a little known and hugely misunderstood psychological problem that manifests physically. This is when a woman’s pelvic muscles contract so tight whenever she tries to have sex, insert a tampon or have a gynecological examination. In extreme cases, the doctor cannot insert even something as small as a cotton swab. Sex is either painful or completely impossible. The later is the more common case. The unfortunate bit is that doctors mostly misdiagnose the problem and couples are often sent home with a prescription for lubricant or with advice to spend more time on foreplay. Susan’s case for example is extremely sad. She and her husband were both virgins when they got married and were really looking forward to their wedding night. To their shock and horror, the husband could not penetrate at all. They cut short their honeymoon to go and visit a doctor who wrongly diagnosed that Susan’s sexual organs were too small. She underwent surgery to widen her vaginal and hymen opening. You can imagine the shock and disappointment when after healing from surgery she and her husband could still not consummate their marriage! They later got a proper diagnosis and she was treated successfully through counseling and self help.
Vaginismus is not for freaks as one may be tempted to imagine. It can affect anyone even couples who have been making love for years. It can hit after some trauma like when a woman is raped, in extreme shock or even after childbirth. For some women it’s triggered by the discovery that the husband is having an affair. Thousands of couples are suffering in silence. So guys please if you are suddenly unable to have penetrative sex with your wife or girlfriend it’s extremely important that you be patient, understanding and encouraging as she seeks treatment. Also remember there are other ways other than penetrative sex in which you and your partner can enjoy intimacy.
Vaginismus can be a relationship killer. Many couples try to stand together although it’s extremely frustrating and emotionally draining to be unable to engage sexually. Some partners get tired of waiting and run off with other women thus leaving the affected woman feeling like a failure. The worst thing is that the more a woman worries about the condition, the worse the psychological effects and the worse the condition gets. This leads to a cycle of anxiety and worry which further complicates treatment.
The good news is that Vaginismus is treatable. First of all accept the problem. Then work closely with your doctor or therapist. If you have unresolved emotional problems, include a psychiatrist in addition to your therapist, physician or gynecologist. Learn as much as possible about Vaginismus and above all know that it’s not a permanent condition. Treatment may take time, 6 weeks onwards depending on the individual, but with determination and adherence to treatment, sex will feel good one day.
