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Monday, March 31, 2008

Deeply Ashamed Ngong Road Marketing Manager Makes Shocking Admission

…”I Hired Her Because Of Her Thighs”

I hereby reproduce an email from one of our new avid readers;

I have read your web site and I really enjoyed it. The only complaint I have is that you seem to think that only women will read it. That is discrimination of the highest order against men, my friend.

Anyway in one of your posts I noticed that you asked people to confess things and immediately my mind went back to about 3 years ago when I was the marketing manager of a company called (name withheld) that is based somewhere along Ngong Road. Not very far from the City Mortuary.

The managing director was this very strict and impossible to please brute of a man from Europe who wanted everything, and I mean everything done perfectly. I mean this guy was a real terror and if you made the slightest mistake he would shout until people passing on the road would stop to ask the security guard at the gate what was happening.

"When she sat down it was worse. I had a perfect view from where I sat. And she sat down the way Esther Passaris sat down in that Kumekucha photograph, what would I have done?"

Usually he was so particular about staff recruitment at his company that he always did all the interviews personally. So on this particular day I was rather surprised when he suddenly assigned me the task of interviewing the candidates who his secretary had already invited for an interview. “Cancel all your other appointments,” the managing director told me authoritatively.

I sat at my desk to organize my thoughts. I had not worked for Mr Enrico for 6 months for nothing. Usually people survived at this company for an average of one month. If you managed to work there for two months you were a veteran and would almost certainly qualify for a long service award. I am not exaggerating and people who know the company will confirm to you that I am telling the truth. The mzungu took advantage of the lack of jobs in Kenya to really handle people like trash. I believe he still does the same to this day. That is how our country Kenya is. Those who tried to complain to the labour office in the Ministry of labour quickly found out that the guy was very connected. You would just waste your time and they would never take any action.

I had no illusions as I sat on my desk that if I hired somebody who was not good enough for Mr Enrico, I would be fired, forget all the good work I had done. So I would have to interview the applicants very carefully. I decided that to avoid responsibility I would send 2 short-listed candidates to him and pretend that I could not make up my mind between the two. That way if anything went wrong he would be the one who had made the final decision and not me. That was how you survived at this company.

I started the interviews feeling very pleased with myself. I thought I was quiet clever. The first 2 candidates were hopeless and I did not waste time with them. The next 2 looked like they had potential and I took additional contact information on them and told them that I would be in touch soon.

The minute she walked in the first thin I noticed were her long shapely legs. And the thighs!! Wacha tu. She was wearing a very short dress, actually a dark coloured mini skirt that brought out her brown sexy thighs. But she was not too tall either. She smiled as she greeted me. I waved her to the seat next to the short desk I was seated on. When she sat down it was worse. I had a perfect view from where I sat. And she sat down the way Esther Passaris sat down in that Kumekucha photograph, what would I have done?

I had trouble concentrating on what she was saying. She had some previous marketing experience outside the country which was a big plus for her. But I did not ask too many questions. Now you must understand that I am a happily married man and these days I do not cheat on my wife. I have become a good church-going man and I am glad that I found God. But those thighs…. Ai.

Don’t ask me what happened but that lady ended up in my shortlist of two candidates, together with some other man almost overqualified man. I feel guilty that I left out so many more deserving people. In fact I told her on the spot that I would be calling her for an interview with the CEO because I had already short-listed her. She stood up and smiled in triumph. It was a big effort to keep myself from looking at her as she walked away.

What are women thinking coming to interviews dressed like that?

The MD agreed to see my two short listed candidates. The other one was a very competent man who was perfect for the job. Later on I really got nervous thinking that the MD would suspect the real reason why I had short listed the girl. To be honest I did NOT sleep too well that night.

The next morning she came in an even shorter mini skirt, the kind that you can’t dare sneeze in. My heart started beating faster. I was finished. I was sure that the MD would suspect that I had gotten weak and qualified a totally incompetent woman “armed” with a mere mini skirt. How weak had I been? What reason would I give to my wife for being fired? What would I tell my friends. And yet they al knew that I was a serious church-going Christian.

I sat very nervously and almost jumped when the phone rang on my desk started rining. It was Mr Enrico, the MD, the man who enabled me to pay all my bills and therefore the man who literally held me by the balls. My heart skipped a beat. Would I be out in the streets this very day?

“Congratulations,” he said in his heavy European accent. “All ze candidates you selected were indeed excellent.” He told me the successful candidate would report the next morning and I was therefore to make arrangements for where the new sales team leader would be sitting. I didn’t dare ask who the successful candidate was.

The next morning I walked into the office and I saw a lady seated at the reception wearing a long skirt suit. It took a few moments for me to recognize her. It seems that my eyes had not studied her facial features too closely the previous two days.

So the same trick had worked on Mr Enrico? And she was a survivor too because she worked at the company for 4 long months—a record for ladies in the marketing department. I have never admitted this to anybody before.

So mini skirts DO work at interviews. That I can assure you.

Also Published today: A very long golf shot-bizarre photo

7 Reasons women lose their hair

Previous Hot Stories In This Blog

Female Bank Manager bought shirts for handsome junior employee

To teach her lover's wife a lesson, this woman left some crazy "evidence" for her to find.

Dress that leaves a lot to be desired

What was this campus chic thinking when she did what she did at Kenya Cinema?

Bizarre Photographs: A Long Golf Shot

This is one of the most difficult captions I have ever had to write. Shall we just say that Golf is becoming an increasing popular sport amongst the ladies...

Snap strange photos like this one and share them with us here at Udaku Daily. Please send them to strongwallafrica at yahoo dot com

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Female Bank Manager Fired For Sleeping Around

This story and all stories published here are true and only the identities have been hidden and the locations changed slightly to protect our sources of information. Keep reading and one day you may just find your very own story here…

32 year old’s appetite for men of all ages gets her into serious trouble

A female bank manager at a Nairobi based bank branch has recently been fired for sleeping around after the wife of one of her lovers turned up at the CEO’s office and caused quite a scene at the usually quiet and serene bank environment.

This is the incident that triggered the interest of Udaku Daily in this story but on further digging this writer unearthed details that are so shocking that even now as I type this story I am blushing repeatedly. I have also been forced to leave out a lot of stuff that I cannot publish even here.

Appetite for men of all ages cost her a dream job with a Nairobi Bank Branch

We have been reliably informed that the bank manager, Millie, had an exceptionally big appetite for men in the office and dated quite a number of them. However in the end the man responsible for getting her fired was shockingly enough the manager of a rival bank. We shall call the man Tom. It is not clear whether she was mining trade secrets out of the man (described as quiet and without maneno mingi).

Sources at the bank are still puzzled about 32 year old Millie. One source puts it thus;

“She did not have anything really special to make men turn. No legs that cause men‘s eyes to pop out, no butt, plain face and all. But it seems that the minute a man slept with her the poor guy would just go crazy. Obviously I have no idea what she was giving them in the bedroom.”

The source goes on to point to the case of Tom who was in his 50s and seemingly a responsible family man until he started pushing with Millie.

Even as that passionate affair was going on, with the pair being seen together at popular social spots all over town, the bank manager was still busy buying shirts for one of her male employees (several years younger than her) at the bank branch she headed. She was also giving him some extra attention after office hours. She is said to have admitted to another female employee who helped her secure a date with the hunk, that she had a crash on him. Mercifully the young employee (in his late twenties) is not married. Udaku Daily has confirmed that the young man got a raise of almost double his salary in the annual review at the end of last year.


Come Back for BRAND NEW TRUE stories daily!


But it was her affair with Tom that brought disaster. Tom’s wife soon found out that she was the laughing stock of the city in the sun and was obviously not amused. She paid Millie a visit. Sources say that she kept her cool and behaved very arrogantly towards Tom’s wife. And what is worse, she continued seeing Tom with a vengeance.

The next thing workers at the bank knew was that Tom’s wife turned up at the Bank CEO’s office in a posh office in a Nairobi high rise building. The minute the woman got to the bank CEO’s office and confirmed that he was in, she caused a scene and started shouting at the top of her voice when the secretary told her it was not possible to see the boss, just then.

The commotion caused several workers to come out of their offices in panic wondering what was going on. Her trick worked like a dream and she was hurriedly granted audience with the embarrassed CEO and went on to explain her problem in great detail. Other workers in the office could hear her loudly and repeatedly asking what kind of people the bank employed that went after other people’s husbands.

It is said that the CEO was shocked and had a heavy heart when he learnt that the woman was complaining about Millie. This is because Millie was one of his best managers.

Employees at the bank branch where Millie used to work remember her as a tough boss who could get an employee fired with a single telephone call. Because her branch performed extremely well and was said to be the best, she seem to have always had the bank managements’ ears, including that of the CEO who fired her so abruptly.

One employee at the bank prepared a detailed report for Udaku Daily;

“Whatever she requested … I mean demanded, it was given immediately. Be it need of more staff, some upgrade or modification of a certain function in the branch … it was granted … while other branch managers literally had top beg long and hard for such things. If one of her staff seemed more capable than her, he/she was quietly shut down by work overload or sheer frustrations that were not worth it at the end of it all. So powerful was she that she literally determined the kind of salary increment you would get, once you were put under her. This led to many of the staff excessively sucking up to her… especially the men. It is said that she was such a performer that she quickly rose to branch Manager without the usual papers required for such a post.

She frequently screamed at employees because hers was what had to be done and done to perfection and any slight mistake was met with plenty of venom. She was definitely one with a lot of energy… and it seems her energy did not end at the office, hence her downfall.”

Do you have a story of your own to share with other Udaku Daily readers? Write it down and email to the editor at strongwallafrica at yahoo dot com. Don’t worry too much about the writing because we have experts in that department. Currently we do not pay for stories but keep writing and we will soon give cash rewards to our most prolific writers.

Embarrassing Confessions: I Passionately Kissed My Best Friend’s Husband In The Mouth

I am hopelessly in love with my best friend’s husband, but nobody knows. Once I went on a long trip and when I got back I felt that I had to see him or I would die. So without calling, I turned up at their home on a Saturday morning. When he opened the door for me I hugged him tightly and kissed him in the mouth. I just don’t know what came over me.

Luckily my friend didn’t appear in the sitting room too quickly. The guy looked so puzzled and embarrassed that I felt sorry for him.

It was electric and a moment I still savor although it is quite likely I will never have him to myself. To be honest I think my friendship with his wife has been enhanced only because of him.

Do you think I need psychiatric help?

One of Joan's favourite posts: When That Thing is Cut Off

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Woman’s "Lacy" Revenge On Her Rival

Cover story/Front Page Splash

This story and all stories published here are true and only the identities have been hidden and the locations changed slightly to protect our sources of information. Keep reading this site and one day you may just find your very own story here…

Co-workers insist that she left “smelly” evidence for wife to find

While many Kenyans are preoccupied with politics and the battle of wits between ODM and PNU, little do they realize that there are other battles being fought in some homes and workplaces in the country with the kind of venom that would make our political battles look like very cheap stuff indeed.

A case in point is a young woman who recently received a cell phone call from the enraged wife of the married man she is moving around with but decided to teach her rival a lesson that she will not quickly forget.

Elizabeth (ODM) received a serious beating when she confronted her husband

Sources at the woman’s workplace told Udaku Daily that the woman who is strikingly beautiful and still in her twenties placed her panties in the glove compartment of a car belonging to the man she was moving around with knowing very well that his wife would find them. Apart from being her lover, the man is also her boss at the school where the woman works.

But let me start the story from the beginning.

Benson Mwoki (not his real name) has been married to his wife Elizabeth for over 15 years now and despite their ups and downs, financially the marriage was not doing too badly. Both the man and his wife voted Kalonzo Musyoka in the last general elections.

Trouble however started when the NGO Mwoki had launched about 2 years ago suddenly started taking off like the proverbial rocket. The NGO is supposed to educate disadvantaged children living in slum areas and its’ main project is a school. However it is packed with children from middle class families who pay school fees. In other words Mwoki receives money from donors but also charges school fees at his school. He then takes many photographs which he sends to his donors to show what transformation the project has brought about to poor needy children.

Nzisa (PNU) is in her 20s and strikingly beautiful: She decided to teach ODM a lesson

Mercifully he admits only a handful of genuinely needy children to the school to keep his costs down and his profits up. Rumour has it that he usually tells his donors that he puts more cash into the school from his own pocket than what he receives from his sponsors, a blatant lie of course. That must impress the hell out of those mzungus who keep on sending money every month which goes directly into his pocket and is channeled mostly in the direction of his new found sweetheart, Nzisa while his wife of many years and his two daughters continue to eat sukuma wiki daily.

Employees at the school have told this writer that they have no doubt how Nzisa got the job in the school. They say she offered “her assets” which confused Mwoki and enabled her to start on a very high salary. The employees add that she then made a trip to Kitui and came back with a powerful love portion or Kamotee, which mesmerized the previously responsible family man Mwoki into setting up a home with her and her four year old daughter from another liaison. What saddens employees of Mwoki’s school is that Mwoki does not even have proper sofa sets at the house of his first and genuine wife Elizabeth and yet the two sets of sofas at Nzisa’a house look like they are from State House, Nairobi

So let us call Nzisa PNU since hers is an illegal government because Mwoki elected Elizabeth (ODM) long time ago by a land slide that was more than the ODM win in 6 provinces.

So when PNU received a call from ODM demanding that she return the “stolen government,” she was caught unawares. But when she had recovered she told ODM a thing or two warning her to never call the number again. She got carried away so that she was shouting at the top of her voice. When the call was abruptly ended on the other side, she realized that all the staff members in the school were staring at her. PNU, her co-workers told Udaku Daily, does not like losing face. She hates it with a capital “H” and so she decided to teach ODM a lesson that she would quickly not forget.

She secretly took one of her own panties and put them in the glove compartment on the front seat of Muoki’s car. But not before wiping herself in the critical area after one of her regular passionate liaisons with Mwoki. ODM of course found them because that is the very seat she used to seat on every morning as her husband dropped her to work and the children to school. Incidentally these days she sits at the back seat of the car on the few occasions that she is carried in the vehicle and never opens the glove compartment.

On discovering the rather “smelly” evidence, ODM of course angrily confronted her husband who had been denying everything up to this point, with the “evidence” and for her efforts received a thorough beating from Mwoki. ODM ran away back to her parents for about 2 weeks but decided to come back for the sake of her children,

Our sources tell us that ODM has been heard telling her friends that she has completely ruled out any possibility of their ever being a grand coalition with PNU and would rather die first. Some Kenyan men have been known to form grand coalitions where all their wives are accommodated under the same roof.

Do you have a story of your own to share with other Udaku Daily readers? Write it down and email to the editor at strongwallafrica at yahoo dot com. Don’t worry too much about the writing because we have experts in that department. Currently we do not pay for stories but keep writing and we will soon give cash rewards to our most prolific writers.

Briefly Told: Unique Dress Plus Kenyans Are Smarter That This

Uniquely Designed Dress

The editor came across this very unique dress. It obviously sin't for women who've had any sort of operation. What do you guys think?

Kenyans Are Smarter That This

If you thought that Kenyans are not very bright, you may just change your mind after reading this story.

A third of Brits don't know Shakespeare wrote plays - and many of them think he was King of England.

A new survey also reveals 25% didn't realise John Keats was a poet, with some saying his famous Odes were written by Robbie Williams.

The Brits ignorance about famous authors was revealed in a poll of 3,000 people.
Interestingly some 70% have never written a poem to a loved one though two thirds would like to receive one.

Poet laureate Andrew Motion, 55, said: "Although most people accept that poetry has a vital role in personal as well as national life, these findings show a depressing level of ignorance.

"The good news is that 61% said they would like to have poetry play a role in their lives - in which case we hope they might also want to write one."

A cruise firm is offering a seven-night holiday to the writer of the best poem, chosen by Andrew. The framed work will be displayed on board.

Crazy Confessions Of “Desperate” Campus Woman

Crazy Confessions Series

I once had to pee so badly while watching a movie at a theatre. In those days I was still in campus at Nairobi University. I didn’t want to miss any parts of the movie. So I peed on the floor and sat somewhere else. Luckily Kenya Cinema was almost empty that evening.

Do you have a crazy confession to make? Send it to Strongwallafrica at yahoo dot com.