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Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Vicky's strange power over men

Women have often been portrayed as the victims in most relationships that go wrong, especially in the bedroom. But this is not entirely true as our latest true story will clearly illustrate.

Victoria or Vicky (as everybody called her) was a woman who seemed to have a strange power over men that to this day has never been explained.

It was no secret that she was having passionate affairs with several men and at the same time. And to make matters worse most of them used to visit her at her bed-sitter in Eastleigh. And bear in mind that those were the days when cell phones were yet to arrive.

One day the inevitable happened. She was inside her house and on the bed with John when Ronald arrived and knocked impatiently on the door. What happened next shocked the neighborhood and was discussed for weeks and months after that.

It is said that John was ordered to dive under the bed and hide. Which he obediently did. Vicky then opened the door for Ronald who was in quite a mood for some action and did not waste any time. So you can imagine the bed squeaking and people making all the usual noises as poor John was under the very same bed. It was almost lunch time when they were done with their lovemaking and Vicky cooked some lunch and Ronald left the house with a big smile on his face. Like some cat that has just had a little too much milk to drink.

Neighbors closely monitoring the activities at the house say that when John came from under the bed he was obviously very upset. However it is said that after a few soothing words from Vicky, the bed springs were heard squeaking in protest again. And what is more, the neighbors say that John too left with a big smile on his face.

Kindly bear in mind that Vicky was NOT a prostitute (she had a very good job at the airport in those days). And that is really what makes this tale so mysterious.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

In praise of older men

Over-rated? Or is old truly gold?

It has always been assumed that younger women are nothing but gold diggers and chasing the Kenya shilling whenever they are seen with older men. Indeed I too have always been prejudiced about this and can hardly keep my contempt and disgust at bay for such young ladies who choose old men.

However interviews carried out with a few young ladies has gotten me thinking and I can only conclude that it is not a good idea to rush into any conclusions before one has all the facts.

Sally is in her early 20s but is married to a man in his early 50s. She says many of her previous lovers were extremely disappointing. “Majority of younger men are insensitive and inexperienced. They are cocky and just interested in themselves. Older men are a completely different cup of tea,” Sally says.

She points out that although her man is fairly rich, what she feels for him is genuine love because he is caring, patient and totally devoted to her. The truth is that it is difficult to get such devotion from younger men. She adds that the devotion shows in their lovemaking and makes it very special.

Esther is a Kenyan in her early 30s who lives in New York, US and has a boyfriend who is 59. She admits that he is fairly weakened down there which means that their love making involves the use of “toys” and “sex aids” but she describes their sex life as “explosive”. More so when it is compared with the blundering clueless younger men she dated previously. Good fulfilling sex is much more than just a solid consistent hard on, she emphasizes.

What do you readers out there think?

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

What does “mummy” have to do with that critical moment?

We have all had a good time analyzing men and how the react and what they do at that critical moment which my sister Kiki called a point of no return. Hahahahahahahahahaha.

Now what about women? What do they do? What do they say?

An experienced colleague who has bedded over 50 women offered me some interesting insights. Apparently the most popular reaction by far is where women call their mothers. Mummieeeeeee!!!!!

Strange this one. Because it beats me what my mother would have to do with such a moment.

According to my source a vast majority of his lovers cried out; “mamie” when they reached that high point that unfortunately not too many women reach.

Those screams you hear in porn movies are apparently not very African. African women’s screams are a tad low key, according to my expert source who puts screams of delight at number two amongst the most common reactions he witnessed when bringing his lovers to that delightful place.

Third on his list is an interesting sound that is not too easy to describe. It is a sucking of breath sound, the kind that some people make when they have an open wound that is hurting. It comes out as some sort of hissing sound. My friend tells me that usually those women who emit this sound end up with a very loud aaaaaaahhhhhhh when the reach the apex of their moment.

Other common reactions including a shaking of the head as if to say “no”, of course with eyes tightly shut. He has also recaive serious scratch wounds on his back for his efforts, but that one was from some mzungu woman..

So let us hear what you other guys out there have observed. It is your turn now after the ladies had so much fun the other day laughing at men.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

How not to be a bitchy sexually pent-up woman

Guest post by Tina

Well I can commiserate with you Joan about poor dissapointing lovers. Pole sana.

If you've never had a good lover, you, like I used to before I learnt a few things, may imagine that all men are lousy lays. Obviously most men are clueless and too rough on women not to mention very selfish. From personal experience I can tell you that the more partners one has doesn't improve the quality of sex you get. What you need to do is find one gentle and tender lover who is open minded yaani willing to learn and eager to please, then communicate what you like and find out from educational sex tapes not porno which have no basis in reality what works for other women, because unfortunately you yourself may not even know what your body needs.

Sex is an instinct, love making is an art and a science, a skill which nobody is born with. You have to learn from others who know what they are doing. Older guys have a less fragile ego so they are more willing to do what you want and won't feel demasculated if you correct their moves.

Please assess a man throughly before you even dare kiss him,look at how he eats, his temperament, his walking style etc which give u a clue as to whether he is a good risk. Also you need to be assertive. Do n't just go along, you will feel like a toilet afterwards if you do even if you are Princess Diana.

Even when you are in the act if you feel that you are getting a raw deal stop. You should never feel obligated to finish a guy off. Its time you became selfish as a woman if we want to self actualize our sexuality and end the frustrations we seemed destined to bear as women. Insist on foreplay of at least 30minutes unless you want less of it.

Then don't allow any man to be rough with you. Tell him to be gentle and show him that his roughness hurts you, if he ignores you,throw him out yaani atoke nje---no more sex regardless if he was almost cumming or woteva else, you should enjoy sex as much as the man and you shouldn't let a man use your body as a tool for masturbation that is wot prostitutes are for coz they are in it for the money not the pleasure and satisfaction.

Be clear and tell him EXACTLY how you like it. This is your show and you should direct it. If you follow this steps and find a progressive lover, you will be a satisfied woman sexually instead of being a bitchy, sexually pent-up woman with nothing but horror stories to give about your sexual experiences.