Guest post by Tina
Well I can commiserate with you Joan about poor dissapointing lovers. Pole sana.
If you've never had a good lover, you, like I used to before I learnt a few things, may imagine that all men are lousy lays. Obviously most men are clueless and too rough on women not to mention very selfish. From personal experience I can tell you that the more partners one has doesn't improve the quality of sex you get. What you need to do is find one gentle and tender lover who is open minded yaani willing to learn and eager to please, then communicate what you like and find out from educational sex tapes not porno which have no basis in reality what works for other women, because unfortunately you yourself may not even know what your body needs.
Sex is an instinct, love making is an art and a science, a skill which nobody is born with. You have to learn from others who know what they are doing. Older guys have a less fragile ego so they are more willing to do what you want and won't feel demasculated if you correct their moves.
Please assess a man throughly before you even dare kiss him,look at how he eats, his temperament, his walking style etc which give u a clue as to whether he is a good risk. Also you need to be assertive. Do n't just go along, you will feel like a toilet afterwards if you do even if you are Princess Diana.
Even when you are in the act if you feel that you are getting a raw deal stop. You should never feel obligated to finish a guy off. Its time you became selfish as a woman if we want to self actualize our sexuality and end the frustrations we seemed destined to bear as women. Insist on foreplay of at least 30minutes unless you want less of it.
Then don't allow any man to be rough with you. Tell him to be gentle and show him that his roughness hurts you, if he ignores you,throw him out yaani atoke nje---no more sex regardless if he was almost cumming or woteva else, you should enjoy sex as much as the man and you shouldn't let a man use your body as a tool for masturbation that is wot prostitutes are for coz they are in it for the money not the pleasure and satisfaction.
Be clear and tell him EXACTLY how you like it. This is your show and you should direct it. If you follow this steps and find a progressive lover, you will be a satisfied woman sexually instead of being a bitchy, sexually pent-up woman with nothing but horror stories to give about your sexual experiences.
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20 comments:
Very interesting, Tina...
Much, much easier said than done though.
How about women who like rough kinky sex, the kind that verges on rape...?
There are quite a number of women who like being "done" in this way.
No recent movie (for illustration purposes), comes to mind unfortunately.
Lakini in the '80s there was this famous Michael Douglas movie called "Fatal Attraction". There's a very memorable hot, kinky & rough sex scene in the movie, that many who watched the movie remember. The scene kwanza is in a kitchen. Quite a number of women love that kind of sex, as far as i am aware.
Halafu there's also another famous hot, rough & kinky sex scene in the Mafiosi movie, "The Betsy". "The Betsy", i think, is either a late '70s ama an early '80s movie...
So what have you to say about this, Tina?
I agree with you, Tina, on the need of the woman to own the act at least to approach her satisfaction. But what most women went to school, or wherever, to learn about sex is that they should be hard, or rather difficult, so that as the man tries all tricks foreplay is somehow achieved. There are women who have come out openly and clearly on how they want it and are happy. Ladies, men are not machines that cannot listen. Guide them and you have your cake. Paul.
Who wants to do? Am ready to learn,SERIOUS. But anyway u women(especially elder women) like it soft(i dont understand ua level of fragility),but soft sex aint always good-like thea is this woman who made me do FOREPLAY for over an hour,that i ended up lossing my hardness-(i mean-a chics body has three pars that a guy is intrested in-/mouth/boobs/vigina)-why on earth would i use one hour to explore that?-so this lady was kind of sex stervd coz after every few minutes of orgasm,she kept asking for more-so i got pissd off and perfomd rough sex that endd up in a multiple orgasm.
I believe that sometimes you make love and other times you fuck. You just need to know when to do which!!
-Prince-
Prince has summed it up very well...
make love id for ur gal friend but a fuck is for ur fuck mate ama aje prince hehehehehhe
anon @ 6.10 I think it really doesnt matter. Just know how to get your groove on. I some time fuck my gal and other times make love to her... just depends!!
-Prince-
For me, achieving an orgasm and becoming aroused are two wholly separate experiences. I can become aroused by many sexual practices, many flavors. And, often, arousal is enough. I am very, very good at pleasing myself. Sure, it’s been harder since the antidepressants, but they have changed my life, and it’s a side effect that I accept. I rarely come with someone else, and while I’m working on changing that by actually talking about what I want, I am also ok with just becoming aroused because it provides fodder for my fantasies.
But if I was a man, making love to me, here’s what I’d do.
First, I would want to make me come before we had sex. It’s to the man’s advantage physically, because the vaginal tissue becomes engorged with blood (much the same way a penis does), swollen and so wet after orgasm. Also, once you’ve made me come, all my tissues become swelled (my breasts) and the somewhat analgesic effects of orgasm also take over. What does this mean to a man? He can do it really hard, rough if that’s his and his partner’s thing, and it’s not going to hurt as much. Pinch my nipples when you greet me hello? There’s no fine line between pleasure or pain there for me, buddy. Just pain. It’s hurts, and I don’t like it. That’s why I go “Och!” because you, see, it hurt me. No, I wasn’t joking.
For me to come, it’s got to be done softly. That’s how I do it. In fact, if you want to learn about my body, why don’t you ask to watch me. You may be surprised. I don’t shove three of my fingers into my vagina, in fact, I don’t put anything in there. Yes, that’s right. I don’t touch it. All I do is take a single finger right above my clit and I rub back and forth – NOT up and down – for about five minutes. Consistently. I would never touch the clit directly: it hurts way too much. Again, no fine line there between pleasure and pain. It hurts. I think it probably hurts like after you come in my mouth, and you’re still there, and I withdraw you slowly, and you still suck in air quickly.
If I do start to moan or make some other sound that indicates you’ve found the right spot, then please don’t change what you’re doing. Do not go faster or slower. Because I have to build up again from scratch. The stop start thing gets me exhausted, I get frustrated, roll over, give you a blow job and then I leave. Also, no homing pigeons, please. If I move your hand away from a spot, don’t back there.
Of course, the joy of sex with others is the foreplay to orgasm. Touch my breast softly. Treasure them. Kiss me softly. Do not suck on my nipples like you’re trying to get the last bit of soda out of a can. Hurts. Try sticking your tongue in them. You know my girlfriends say when they've had great sex? “He was so gentle.” It’s a turn on. Ask me if it feels good. Some women are loud, some aren’t. Some women will tell you what do to, some cannot imagine doing so. Most would answer a direct question, and many if not all, would answer a or b, if you said do you like it this way, or that way?
Now, I have difficulty letting you do all the work. So, if want me to come, tell me you’re enjoying my body. Tell me you are getting pleasure from touching my body. Then I can relax.
Also, a word or two about vibrators. They are wonderful, wonderful toys, and I like them lots. But a few tips: take a vibrator and put it on your nipple for 10 minutes. What do you feel? Nothing. Any piece of your body stimulated that intensely becomes numb after about 10 minutes. That's why people use "muscle massagers" to ease muscle tension: it makes the muscle numb! Numb is not the feeling that you want to achieve here. Move the vibrator around. A lot or adjust a little, depending on what works.
Lubricant? Good idea. Forget the strawberry flavored stuff. And I’d rather you not use that half full bottle by your bed side; I don’t where it’s been and I don’t want to think about that. Pony up six bucks for a new bottle. (And then I’ll buy the next bottle). And let me frigin' see it. Do not put gloop in my body without asking me or telling me what it is. Also, K-Y is used in gynecology exams. Rub that cold shit on me and I start to feel well, like I’m at the gynecologist Again, not the feeling you want to go for, unless you’re doing that gyno role play thing. Rub it on your hands to warm it up. Let me rub some on your dick when I’m going down on you: we’ll both enjoy it more.
What’s in for you when you’ve done this? Well, almost anything you want. (This, by the way, is not a plea for e-mailed responses.) You can bang me hard and deep from behind, slapping me on the ass. We can sixty nine, or I’ll get on my knees and suck you until you’re dry. I can whisper how you made me feel as no one else did while you hook my legs over your shoulders, or I can shout “Give me your angrey love! I want it so badly!” while I straddle you. Because you see, you made me come.
David you havent met a woman who knows how to give you some serious foreplay its lyk the ones you go with only receive,they dont give.By the way wot r ur thots on foreplay.
@anon about the movies with ruff sex pls rememba that these r professional actors just like in porn who r paid to mek nything luk convincing and real.Its true it is easier said than done but its possible and nothing gud comes easy.Tafuta dvds on tantric sex,tao and the karma sutra they are very attuned to female sexuality and its sacredness.
Here are sum tips from someone who like me at one time had almost given up on being sexually fulfilled.
Date: 2007-06-29, 11:03AM EDT
I have decided, after much deliberation, that I will no longer be having sex.
It has taken me 9 years of unsatisfactory sex to realize that men are clueless in bed and that my time will be much better spent pleasuring myself. I am aware that I will be spending a lot more money on AA batteries and I have come to terms with that. I will still be saving money, by not having to buy condoms.
I just want to make it clear that it is not that I cannot have an orgasm, I have them all the time, just not with someone else in the room, it is just that guys do not get what it takes to get a woman off.
For the other girls out there that have not become completely disgusted with the lack of sexual ability among men, I will lay out these rules for men to follow:
1-Breasts are attached. They are a part of our body and grabbing them so hard that they are literally lifted from the chest DOES NOT feel good. It hurts.
2-Nipples are sensitive. This means that sucking them is good. Gently holding one in your teeth while flicking your tongue across it is good. Some LIGHT biting is good. Biting them like you would a steak, all the while asking "how does that feel baby?"...not good. It fucking hurts.
3-There are more to our breasts that the nipples and the entire breast would like attention too. Just make sure that you have read rule #1.
4-Fingering is a multi step process. First off if a girl is not wet, don't try to stick two fingers up her. That will just hurt her. Make sure she is wet. If she is not, make out with her, play with her breasts a little and that should do the trick. Girls like the feeling of being fucked with a guy's fingers, but please make sure that your fingers are not all dirty, do not have hangnails, or anything else that can make us uncomfortable. Also, the majority of women do not have an orgasm from pentration. Now men, I know that this is a blow to your ego because most of you believe that you can get a woman off from a good hard fucking every time. The women are faking it, and yes, this has happened to every single guy. Every single one, you are not a sex god.
5-The clit is a delicate thing. #5 will deal with fingering the clit. Oral sex will be talked about next. The clit is the center of a woman's sex life. We love our clits, they bring us lots of joy. If you are going to rub it, please keep that finger wet. Rub it gently. Remember that the more excited we get the more excited our reaction gets. That is not an invitation to start rubbing it harder, it means we love the way you are doing it at that time. Don't change it. Do not try to press into it super hard, or rub it out with the pad of your thumb. Nothing can make a girl turned off quicker than a pained clit.
6-Oral sex should not be as dull as watching paint dry. Most girls loved to be eaten out. It is awesome when done properly. Lick the entire thing, but remember the clit is your friend. You want a girl to go crazy, alternate between her clit and the rest of her pussy. But...once she starts getting close, concentrate on the clit. It is okay if you want to take you fingers and spread her lips to fully expose the clit while your tongue works magic in it. Also, some girls like to have you fuck them with a few fingers right before they come, while you CONTINUE to lick their clit. Fucking a girl with your tongue will feel nice to her, but seeing again that the majority of women do not orgasm from pentration, we will not get off from it.
7-Fucking is not a race. Sex is great, it feels wonderful. Even though I will not orgasm from sex, it still feels amazing. Take your time. I did not get a brazilian bikini wax and spend $100 on new underwear to have something that lasts for 3 minutes. I don't care if you are so worked up that you have to bust a nut. Think of something else, think of Rosie O'Donnell or your great Aunt Esther, or anything to calm yourself down and let us enjoy a good hard dicking. There should be a ten minute minimum and 30 minute maximum of pure fucking that is mandated by law. Of course there are days where a quick fuck is in order, or a marathon session is desired, but as a general rule, the above time frame works. We like it gentle and hard, but please do not fuck us so hard that our heads are banging into things. Concussions have no place in the bedroom.
8-Variety is the spice of life. Sometimes us girls want to just be taken missionary style, sometimes we want to be your dirty girl that takes it from behind doggie style while you grip our ponytail with one hand and finger our ass with the other. Sometimes we want to take control and just ride you off into the sunset, sometimes we want slow Sunday morning side sex that is more for intimacy that sexual pleasure.
9-Talk dirty to us. tell me what you want-in detail. Tell me to suck your cock. Tell me play with myself as I lick your balls. If this kind of talk is broken out every once in a while as a surprise (and only in the bedroom), it can make things really hot.
10-Don't be afraid to try new things with us. It is ok, if you want to ask me to do something to you that is not in the 'vanilla' sex rulebook. You want me to stick two fingers up your ass when I blow you, ask. You want to eat out my asshole as you jerk off then come all over my tits. Just ask. Just remember that girls like to get to know a guy before he breaks out his freakier side and that slightly freaky things should be exception sex. Meaning, most girls would be down with doing non-vanilla things every once in a while with a guy that she cares about and trusts. In fact, most of us get wet at the thought of having a little more freakiness every once in a while. So you want to stick an anal plug in me and move it in and out while we '69', just ask.
Happy learning men, and happy trails ladies. Hopefully this post will do some of you guys some good in bed
anonymous @ September 8, 2008 2:34 AM;
Nice...very nice. I'm impressed, dear (I'm a guy, by the way!)
If we were all as subtle and as gentle as you describe, the world would be a much better and happier place, wouldn't it...?
Heh! Tina, my email address is geetaoh@gmail/yahoo.com, just tumia me uas..
Tina, Im into you!!! Very good post. Hope you practise what you preach!!
-Prince-
Weh! Prince ...,i calld in jibs 1st..,anyway u guys should see this,but if its not new to u,forgive me for being "BACKWARDS"! - http://insidekarenlucas.blogspot.com/2008/09/some-white-meat-for-sunday.html
What has happened? We need another post.
Udaku is hybernating!
Uduku is busy getting new material!! I think Joan and Kiki must be up to some mischief so that they can post new stuff.
-Prince-
David ni marital duties zumekuwa mob. Si you know.
heheheheh i love udaku niceee
Kiki wacha kutuenjoy....,kwani hazi "ANADAI" hata mchana, MWAMBIE ASIWE HIVYO ATAMALIZA UTAMU HARAKA! Aii tumeboeka.
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