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Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The juicy irresistible carrot

The whole truth and nothing but the truth is that despite what most men seem to think, they usually fall far short of satisfying a woman properly in bed. At least a vast majority of them.

And that is why although Sofie was married, she had something that she usually hid in her handbag to “help out.” It was huge carrot that she usually rubbed herself with.

To be fair to Sofie’s husband, she was one of those women who had gone through the circumcision rite better known as FMG. In those days her mother thought it would help her stay from being pregnant when she was still in school. Those who know what FMG (the Kikuyu way) means will tell you how hard it is for somebody to get an orgasm once they have been through this crude butchering act.

And so things continued in this way for a long time. Sofie’s husband would do his business and leave her hanging as usual and Mr Carrot would finish off the job even as the man snored noisily on her side, completely exhausted.

One night Sofie was preparing for bed and she knew there was going to be action on that night and so she prepared for the operation. Then she panicked. She just couldn’t find Mt Carrot. She was sure that she had left “him” well hidden in her handbag as usual. She ransacked the whole thing several times, but Mr Carrot was nowhere to be seen.

Next she started looking in places where she was sure she was not going to find “him.” She even went to the kitchen and looked everywhere.

As she was desperately turning the house upside down her husband called out from the bedroom;

“Mama watoto, that trick of pretending that you are busy so that I fall asleep just doesn’t wash any more.”

He sounded cross. And for some reason Sofie got very annoyed. After all, she said to herself, if he knew what he was doing, she would not need Mr Carrot to “top up” would she?

That very minute, her 7 year old daughter started calling Sofie from the children’s bedroom. Now she was really annoyed. She stormed into the children’s bedroom and slapped the child very hard across the face. The child started screaming and Sofie pinched her hard and told her she would not stop until she kept silent. The child made a great big effort to keep quiet even as her body was racked with great big sobs. It was when she let go of her grip that she noticed some strange orangeish thing on the floor. She immediately knew that it was the end of a carrot. She asked the child, not believing what had happened.

“Mummy that is what I was calling you to tell you. I got hungry and I found the carrot in your handbag and ate it.” The child was now very scared and defensive.

“Mummy you said we can eat food without asking you, as long as it is not sweet things. Is carrot sweet things?”

Also published today; Vibrating panty causes woman to faint


David said...

Kwani this carrot wasnt decaying?

Anonymous said...

how differemt is it being with a 'cut' woman?