Ask Aunty Joan: Woman In Love

Dear Aunty Joan,

I love your blog very much, I have never missed a single article since you started it. I am so happy that you have decided to start this wonderful column to help your readers overcome their relationship crises and I am sure you will help a lot of people.

I have a very good friend who has a big problem and whom I will call Anne for purposes of concealing her identity. I can tell you Aunty Joan, Anne was the most responsible (it was almost sickening), level headed girl you could ever hope to meet. The problem is that Anne has fallen in love with this guy almost 20 years her senior whom she met on the World Wide Web not more than a month ago and she is so obsessed with the guy she can’t think of nothing else! Their love seems genuine, she even claims that the guy is her soulmate and I have to confess am a little jealous of them, however the pace at which things have gone is a bit too fast and I am worried for her.

Would you believe it Aunty Joan, that they are even making plans of having a future together? Someone she hasn't even seen in person? I think she has gone over the top a little especially since she did not even believe in online relationships two months ago and thought people who engaged in such things were totally insane.

I honestly I don’t know what has gotten into my friend but please tell me how I can advise her, I think she has gone crazy! I don’t want her to be crashed when things go sour. Do you honestly believe such things can happen and more so over the internet? Do you believe in soulmates?

I will be waiting for your answer,

Anne's Friend.

Thank you for your question, Anne’s friend.

Now this friend of yours, Anne as you call her, seems to have a serious problem in her hands.

You are right that in many ways this is very crazy. One needs to be very careful about Internet relationships. As I am sure you know, people have been conned before and there are all sorts of dangers associated with these kinds of relationships. Men have even posed as women and vice versa.

It may also seem to have gone on for a very short time. Barely a month you say. However here we need to consider the fact that online relationships develop much faster and what will take months in the real world can take days online.

Despite the age difference the two are in serious love or so it seems. Is there any money involved? If she does NOT love him for his money and what he can do for her, then there may be something very serious going on here. Here in Udaku recently we carried a story about a woman who found love with a 25 year old man when she was 42. The truth is that it happens all the time. Love does not really choose or care. That is a fact. At least true love doesn’t. But be warned true love is rare and very hard to come by.

Still I see a lot of obstacles in this relationship. For example are either of them the kind of people who can easily be influenced by others. I am talking here about their friends. What will the man’s friends think of him moving around with such a young girl. And what about the girl, what will her friends think of her, especially if the man is wealthy?

What I suspect is that both are well aware of these facts and have chosen to ignore them.

What if this was true love? Who am I to advice her to abandon possible happiness and marital joy and bliss beyond her wildest dreams?

Bottom line here is very simple. You have to focus on the most important thing, which is are the two in love? Is it genuine love ama mchezo? The answer to those questions should drive the decision here. If it is not love, then she had better find somebody her own age. However if it is true love, nothing can keep them apart, not even you as a well intentioned friend.

Send in your questions to me (Auntie Joan) udakudaily at hotmail dot com.