Man Improvises With Paperbag Instead Of Condom With Near-Tragic Consequences

The girl was young and naive. She sat on the problem for a whole week!

Unlike in urban areas where condoms can be found almost anywhere, the story in the villages is completely different. The subject of condoms there is strictly taboo and no shopkeeper will stock them. A few bar owners do keep them but the whole business is still shrouded in secrecy.

That is one thing Lukoye learned the hard way. The young man had some choice booty with him and could not find a condom in sight. This was a girl he had been trying to woo for quite some time and he just could not let her off without some action. Considering the possibility of AIDS, unwanted pregnancy and other infections, he had to get a condom – and fast.

He decided to get a little creative and grabbed the nearest juala – those 2 bob polythene paper-bags, emptied it’s contents, adorned his tool and hey presto! He had a condom! He got down to business and soon got so carried away that by the time he realized his ‘condom’ was no longer there, he was at a point popularly referred to as the “point of no return.” He assumed it had fallen off somehow. He thought kama mbaya mbaya and carried on. Kumbe he had pushed the ‘condom’ all into the girl and he kept pushing it further and further in with every move. Rumour has it that he is extremely well endowed and so it went quite far in. After the act they tried and tried to fish it out but with no success.

The girl was young and naive. She sat on the problem for a whole week! Only a nasty infection forced her to go to the doctor. Of course by this time she was on her own. There was no way Lukoye was going with her to explain ati doctor I couldn't get a condom and therefore yada yada yada.

Among the questions that the doctor asked the girl was whether the paper bag was new and if not, what it contained before it became a condom. Trust me you don’t want to know the answer to that question. Better stop reading at this point.

Turns out they had eaten some Ugali, nyama choma and kachumbari. Seems that this is what many Kenyan men use to seduce girls (but that is a story for another day). The paperbag that Lukoye grabbed had some left over nyama choma bones onions and tomatoes from the kachumbari. Luckily there was no pepper.

The girl was extremely lucky and the ‘condom’ was successfully removed at the hospital and the girl was sent home with lots of medication and was soon healed. That was not the end of her and Lukoye and their romance blossomed for some time. Part of the reason was that after this serious “mishap” Lukoye managed to get lots of condoms from the nearest town – the free grey ones that were in circulation some time back.