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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Mombasa businessman faces the wrath of a stripper

40 year old John had a lot going for him. He had hit it big in the business world and was a well known tycoon around town. He had a stunning wife and three equally beautiful children. He seemed to have it all. He was a family man and other than the occasional drink in the evening with friends, he was mostly home with his family.

One day he left home for a few beers at the neighborhood joint. A few bottles down the line some friends joined him and convinced him to go thrill seeking at a club frequented by high end call girls. After watching all the stripping and lap dancing, and with a little prodding from his friends who seemed at home in these surroundings, he decided to get adventurous for just that night. When Jecinta, one of the strippers approached him at around midnight, he was more than ready for her. He booked her for the rest of the night and the two drove in his car to her place not very far from the club.

He liked what he got from Jecinta that night and was actually planning to give her a handsome tip on top of what they had negotiated the night before. He was in for a rude shock when he opened his wallet only to realize he had only Kshs.400/- left. Before he left the club he was sure that was 4,000/ he saw in the dimly lit club. He tried to do the sums of how he spent all the money he had carried but everything about the night was a blur. Could he have been robbed by none other than Jecinta? Or had he dropped some notes in his drunken state the previous night? Nothing was clear. Methinks he confused 100/- shilling notes for 1,000/-.

He tried to explain the situation to Jecinta but she could not buy his story. How could he not have money? He was a well known tycoon around town. He was driving the latest fuel guzzler – the only one of its kind in town. She had felt very lucky the previous night when she landed this catch. Then he wakes up in the morning to say he did not have cash?! She had seen enough of these guys who started giving excuses after a whole night’s romp and she could here none of it.

John tried to call his close friend to come and bail him out but being Sunday morning, the friend was probably still asleep or awake with a hangover from hell. His phone was off. He tried to plead with Jecinta to allow him to go to the nearest ATM and get the money for her but she insisted that if that was the case then she’d have to go with him. But mind you it was already morning and there is no way John was going to be seen driving into town with Jecinta. They argued for close to an hour. By this time Jecinta had worked herself into a state, screaming and throwing things around and attracting the attention of the neighbors in the process.

What happened next shocked poor John to the core. He knew Jecinta was mad at him but he was completely unprepared for her next action. This being the first time he had used the services of a call girl, he had only heard horror stories from friends about hell having no fury than a call girl scorned. Jecinta collected all his belongings, phone, shoes, spectacles, car keys, wallet and all his clothes and soaked them in a bucket of water. All this time she was screaming obscenities at him and had managed to wake up all the neighbors.

In the melee he managed to fish out his car keys at least from the water and hold tightly onto them. They were the only ticket from the mess he was in. He grabbed the nearest towel but she took that too and added it to the bucket with water. Everything he grabbed to cover himself Jecinta grabbed back and added to the bucket. With the neighbors now gathering along the corridors wondering what was the matter, she opened the door and asked him to leave. Unable to get hold of even his wet boxers, John bolted out clad only in the one thing he could find after she had soaked all the visible towels and bed sheets. A table cloth. Jecinta was hot on his heels trying to snatch that too! Luckily he managed to get to his car and drive off before she could reach him.

As soon as he was safely out of the mad woman’s way he had to face his next predicament. He could not go home. Or anywhere else for that matter. His friends were mostly married and he could not go to them either. And definitely not to his relatives. The only bachelor he could go to for help lived more than 10 kilometers from town. But he had no choice. He drove all the way to that friend’s gate and honked like mad. His friend gave him some clothes to wear and in a few minutes, poor John was on his way home to face the wife. Sunday morning past 10.oo o’clock and in strange undersize clothes.


Anonymous said...

Is Udaku a daily, a weekly, a monthly, a periodical or an intermitent!!!???

Anonymous said...

shoddy piece of writing!get something brainy to write on!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

anonymous you're on the wrong page. loosen up and drop the braininess. hapa ni udaku. do you know swa? udaku means udaku. there's nothing to be serious about on a udaku page.

Anonymous said...

some people!! udaku means gossip, what is there to be brainy about in gossip?

Wanjiku Unlimited said...

Anon 6.14 you're right you know. Personally I visit this blog to get away from all the braininess out there and have a good laugh. So Joan no braininess here please!