Why do Kikuyu women have a weakness for Luhya men?

Joan solves age-old mystery

Too many nice Kikuyu girls end up getting married to Luhya men, way too many.

If you don’t believe me just do your own research and get back to me. The fact is that we could debate for long hours as to what the real reasons for this are. So to cut a long story short and to put forward my point as to what the real reason for this is, I present today’s true story.

Njeri was a beautiful girl by any means and really yearned for marriage. You see she looked innocent enough but it was just as well people could never read her mind to know what was going on inside there most of the time. Were this possible, they would have been more than shocked. She just thought about sex all the time and finding the right man to cool down all the burning she felt inside. Somebody to quench the fires regularly.

But there was one thing that she knew already. That man would not be from the house of Mumbi. She had already had more than a few sexual experiences with a few boys in the village and frankly they left a lot to be desired. To avoid starting a tribal war of words in this good entertainment blog, let me just say they had no idea what they were doing and usually it would be over before it even began. You nice girls out there know exactly what I am talking about.

That is one of the reasons why Njeri was very excited when she finally got a chance to come to the city in the sun in search of employment. Deep in her heart she knew that her real mission was to find “the one.” But sadly everything started off on the wrong footing. She ended up staying with an auntie who treated her like a 6 year old. Any mere whiff of male company anywhere near her would send the woman into her tantrums threatening to send Njeri back to the village in Muranga where she had come from.

Obviously Njeri hated this, but was patient hoping that somehow her big break would come one day.

Meanwhile through a former schoolmate, she managed to get a temporary job at a construction site not far from the famous Ngara market. The job was pretty boring and involved keeping track of building materials at the site. Still it paid weekly and the money was good enough for her to take care of a few basics but not enough for her to move out of her strict aunty’s house to start life on her own, which would obviously make it much easier for her to meet the man of her dreams.

She was still searching but there was nothing of interest at the construction site. Njeri was very particular. Her men had to be good looking and clean. None of the men who always smelt of stale sweat at the construction site interested her.

However she always seemed to catch the supervisor staring at her. Frankly she could have thrown up. The man was way too big and reminded her of the movie King Kong. But what really put her off was his nose. It looked like somebody had pressed it on a frying pan shortly after he had been born. Njeri would laugh alone when she thought about it.

But the man never gave up chasing. Many times he would invite Njeri for a soda but she would politely decline. She was no fool. The man was the supervisor and could get her fired if he wanted to. But although she knew what the man really wanted, she was sure that she was not interested. She used her draconian-rules auntie to good effect and managed to keep the brute at bay.

However one day there was a matatu strike and everything changed. Usually as soon as it was 5, Njeri would head straight for the matatu stage. She did not want to offend her auntie because she did not know where else in Nairobi she could find a place to live if she did. At least not yet. So on this day when the matatus had gone on strike, Njeri panicked. What would she do? She was terrified of her auntie and she somehow needed to get home to Umoja as soon as possible (and it was not a walking distance from Ngara). She was standing there rather confused when the supervisor came out of the gate rattling the offfice keys in his hands.

Njeri did not like the smile on his face. If a lion was able to smile, it would be the sort of smile that would on it’s face after cornering some poor defenseless gazelle. But Njeri’s options were very limited indeed on this day. He quickly reassured her that he would get a taxi for her which would drop her at her door step inUmoja and he would pay for it. And then he suggested that they take a brief walk to a nearby hotel where the taxis were very cheap.

The supervisor whose name was Bruce reassured her and did his best to calm her down as they walked slowly towards the hotel. Surely her “evil” auntie would understand that the matatus had gone on strike, he repeatedly told her. After all it would be all over the news in the evening.

They reached the hotel and went straight to the taxi place. Bruce talked briefly to one of the taxi drivers although Njeri could not hear what they were saying. He came back and told her that the driver he was looking for who was his friend had gone to drop another client and would soon be back. He casually suggested that they wait inside the hotel.

Now Njeri had come from the village just the other day and she was still a bit slow in sensing a man’s trap. She swallowed the bait and followed Bruce inside the hotel. She did not even find anything strange in the fact that they passed the reception where there were several comfortable seats that they would have sat on and waited. And they went straight into the hotel bar. It was still early and it was not yet that crowded.

Bruce bought her some chips and a soda which she thoroughly enjoyed. You have to give it to the guy. He was very smooth and Njeri did not stand a chance. She only realized what was going on when she was already in one of the rooms in the hotel. But even then the guy kept on playing his game. With the key safely in his pocket, he told her that he was having a quick shower and then they would be on their way to get a taxi for her. This time she started having her doubts. She told him that she was going to scream of he tried to rape her.

Bruce had played this game for a long time and casually had his shower with the room key very close. He finished and came out of the bathroom with only a towel over his waste. Njeri was cowering at the door and decided that there was no way out of this one but to scream at the top of her voice.

Bruce casually walked up to where she was and before she could scream grabbed her and started kissing her. The man was strong and with her hands firmly in his grasp there was nothing she could do. But there was no denying the fact that it was strangely exciting being overpowered by him like that.

The man was big, everywhere and what followed was an experience that Njeri had been looking for all her life. This was no village boy looking for a selfish quickie. Before she knew what was happening she was thoroughly enjoying what was going on. It was a case of lust at first sex.

They did not leave the hotel room until 9 pm in the night. Njeri was not that terrified of her auntie now, something had changed forever. She had found what she had been looking for in the most unlikely place. Bruce got a taxi for her and she went to face the wrath of her auntie, who complained and said she had been worried sick but acknowledged that indeed there had been a matatu strike.

Bruce and Njeri have now been married for almost 25 years.

They have two children and the son has inherited the pancake nose but these days Njeri finds it rather cute.

I’ll now give you some homework to go and do. Find out from all the nice Kikuyu girls married to Luhyas how it happened. You will find that they fell in lust after an encounter between the sheets. There is no denying that Luhya men know how to treat women in bed and they cannot be resisted, even if they have pancake noses, once a poor kikuyu lady has ended up in their bed.

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