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Monday, July 21, 2008

Bride accuses husband of trying to have sex with her during honeymoon

Most of us Africans were brought up to believe that sex is “bad manners” and a terribly dirty thing we should stay away from.

A story is told about this young couple who got married and went off to their honeymoon. The church pastor was devastated when opening his office on the following Monday morning he found the young couple waiting to see him. There was obviously a big problem here. These were not the two happily smiling people he had seen off to their honeymoon, barely two days before. The old pastor had seen many things including lighting speed divorces. But this one was a new experience for him. He could not get it off his mind that he had officiated over their wedding the previous Saturday and this was Monday morning.

When they had all settled in his office, he enquired what the problem might be. The young man was fuming and retorted in a voice the pastor had never heard, “Ask this crazy girl!”

Finally the young girl blurted out: “Imagine pastor, he actually wanted to have sex with me.”

I am assured that this is a true story that happened in some church in neighboring Tanzania.

There is yet another even sadder tale.

This man had such a serious psychological problem about sex and how “dirty” it was that in several years of marriage his own wife had never seen him completely naked. He always had his boxers on. During sex he would just make a little room for his tool to come out and do the necessary and then he would quickly dress when it was all over feeling very guilty and ashamed of himself. To make matters worse this couple would very rarely have sex. It seems that the reason was that they would only have sex when the man succumbed to the temptation of having sex, otherwise he would fight off any desire he felt all the time. I am not joking my dears. So when the wife noticed this she made an effort to tempt the man more often (which is very easy for a woman to do). She was successful but this created a deeper rift in the marriage because the man was always so upset that he was doing the “dirty thing” much too frequently.

What about the case where the wife was never seen naked by the husband. Sex would be in pitch darkness always, and she would change in the bathroom or lock him out of the bedroom when she needed to remove her clothes.

There are plenty more humorous honeymoon stories but let me finish with this one about the bride who was terribly traumatized when she saw an erect, “bulging” “snake” coming towards her complete with a mouth that she expected to spit deadly poison the very next minute or even possibly bite her. She hid under the bed and started crying. It took a lot of counseling to convince her that what she had seen was normal and what every bride saw on their honeymoon. She was repeatedly told that it is in fact a much bigger tragedy when that “snake” does not bulge during the honeymoon and remains limp despite all efforts.


David said...

I have three words_I HATE VIRGINS

Kiki said...

David you hate virgins? I thought they're a good thing that most guys want to lay their hands on!